only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
