last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I love you.
Bad choice
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
