You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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