I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
