The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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