i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
