Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
