Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
