The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
