I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
