Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
