oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I smell stomach acid.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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