Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
