I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
