Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
