He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
