nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
