I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
