I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
