just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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