Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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