I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
