I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
