Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
