the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
