I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Drake has all the answers
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