we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize