i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
