i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
