I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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