She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
