I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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