the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
whose parrot is this?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
