And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
