Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
