Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
