You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
