is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
