the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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