A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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