mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
