My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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