Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
