I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
