There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
