I wish I could teleport
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize