hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
