How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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