He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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