So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
