Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
