this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
