my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize