when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
