Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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