just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
