just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i think i just lost a toe
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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