I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize