somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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