You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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