My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
