Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
