Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
