Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
