Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize