once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
