i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
