real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
