I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
