pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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