i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize