just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
