chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize