I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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