So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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