wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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