I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
